Obama Wars

The Obama Wars was a conflict that started at 2013 CE (common era) and lasted until 539 OE or "Obama Era" (not to be confused with Obama Erotica). The effects of the conflict are long reaching, and still impacting everyone to this day.

Research seems to indicate that the name "Obama Wars" is actually a reference to Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones. This explains the use of cloning later on in the conflict.

Battles

There were many battles during this conflict, and since guerilla combat that was the primary form of fighting (gorilla combat, contrary to popular belief, was only the tertiary form of combat), much of the fighting is not recorded here.

The First Battle

The first battle of the Obama Wars happened after President Barracks Obama declared a state of emergency in order to more effectively restrict the distribution of The funny. An assault was immediately launched on Obama's house. The attackers mostly wielded large heavy rocks, but it is unclear exactly what weapons the defenders used. It has been proven that some amount of Home-Alone-based traps were included, but besides that, historians are still unsure.

Both sides took major losses, the Obama Kingdom (later the Obama Empire) having 793,000 soldiers killed and another 40,000 wounded, while the Anti-Obama Taskforce lost 848,000 soldiers (they had no wounded soldiers as any were summarily put down). Due to this, the battle is called a loss on both sides. What historians call a rare Pyrrhic Loss.

Factions

Many factions were a part of the Obama Wars. However, their roles in the conflict varied greatly, with some of them being directly involved, and others mostly watching and profiting off of the conflict.

Obama Empire

The Obama Empire was originally the Obama Kingdom, however, upon Obama's first death, its new leader, Shrimp Huffington, decided to rebrand it. The Obama Empire's main strategies were to continue defending, since they had little way of attacking back against the supporters of the funny. This initially manifested as booby traps inspired by Macaulay Culkin's role in the hit movie Home Alone, however, these were made useless by the later involvement of Gorillas. Afterwards, they focused more on conventional weapons, such as long sticks or slingshots.

Anti-Obama Taskforce

The Anti-Obama Taskforce was made up of an enormous amount of combatants that seemed to come from nowhere. These warriors had no national connections, so their initial involvement was puzzling. Paired with that, their use of rocks in the first fights was very surprising. Due to this combination of evidence, many believe that the Anti-Obama Taskforce was actually made up of either undead or time-travelled persons that were then conscripted into the fight. This would explain their questionable weapon choices, especially early on.

The Anti-Obama Taskforce's weapons were very confusing, and always included rocks. This started with the classic "large rock" used as a bludgeoning tool, and evolved into catapults, slings, and even their signature Launchers, which shot spherical rocks at high speeds, much like a gun would except with rocks. Despite their seemingly inferior weaponry, the Anti-Obama Taskforce were masters of strategy, and used subterfuge better than most of the other factions. At some points, they would deceive others so well that they would fight themselves after pulling some double-crosses (sometimes one, but usually multiple) on themselves. Additionally, the Anti-Obama Taskforce was faster to mobilize than other factions due to their lack of medical staff. When one of their soldiers were injured, they would take them out on their own.

The Eight Deities

Do not Speak of Them. Do not click that link.

Pastafarians

Pastafarians were deeply ingrained in this conflict, and interestingly fought on both sides of it. They made sure not to attack those of their own, which lead some to claim that they had other motives to be involved in the fighting. These people were often not heard from again, mostly due to "realizing the error of their ways", as Pastafarian leaders called it.