Gorilla
The Gorilla is a large mammal known for beating the shit out of other things. They have big fists and are good at killing. Due to this, they were key combatants in the Obama Wars
Facts
Gorillas are very complex creatures, so there are a lot of facts about them. Here are some of them.
Strengths
- Meaty Fists
- 11-23 horsepower (11 when naturally aspirated, 23 when turbocharged)
- Banana
- Basic Weapons Knowledge
- Have a skeleton
- Cannot be defeated by Macaulay Culkin or Macaulay Culkin adjacent strategies
- Lactose Supertolerance
- Fast
Anatomy
Gorillas have four (or sometimes more) limbs, and can move both quadrupedally and bipedally, as they choose. They have shatter-resistant bones, which helps them turn into machines of violence. One adult gorilla can take out at least three adult gorillas, that's how strong they are. Gorillas also share something of a telepathic link to each other, which makes them able to act as a hivemind. Gorillas can also choose to sequester themselves from others by closing this link. The longer it is closed, the more difficult it is for them to reopen it. This link is often called "The Connection", and gorillas separated from this link are called Shattered.
Diet
Gorillas eat a lot of stuff, and they even could eat more. However, they are all vegetarians by choice. Gathering data on this subject is difficult because they just keep eating and we simply cannot keep up.
Notable Gorillas
- Donkey Kong (Connected)
- Garbage Kong (Shattered)
- Diddy Kong (Shot to Death)
- Chunky Kong (He's Dead)
- Ghastly King (Shattered)
- Gorilla Grodd (Shattered)
- Oliver Whisper (Connected)
- Dr. Jane Goodall is believed to be a Gorilla in a human suit (Active)
- Your Mom (lol)
Culture
Gorilla culture, due to their telepathic connection, is extremely communal. They share nearly everything with each other, which makes driving wedges between different members of them extremely difficult. However, it can be done, and by preying on their reliance on their link, it is especially doable. Since they care about their link more than most else, those that separate themselves from the link, the Shattered, are exiled and forced out. Even the worry that someone is closing their connection at any point is cause for alarm, so they try to remain extremely vigilant. The one time when a Shattered is allowed to remain with the other gorillas is when they are closing their connection to use their psychic powers to protect the group. Even using the psychic powers in a way that helps the group but not in a defensive way is cause for exile.
Shattered
The Shattered may lose much of what makes gorillas powerful, but they gain other extremely powerful benefits. With complete autonomy over their psychic powers, the Shattered can perform feats that seem impossible. This includes the following:
- Telekinesis
- Water Walking
- Physical Enhancement
- Mental Enhancement
- Spontaneous Combustion (of themself and/or others)
- Touching their elbows with their tongues
- Faster Fruit-eating
- Devil Worship (has not been confirmed to be caused by shattering, could just be random correlation)
Without their connection to other gorillas, however, the Shattered are often extremely lonely, and most, especially those who previously cherished their connection, are eventually driven insane from their isolation. There has been some attempts to name this condition. These attempts have failed, as gorillas see all Shattered as equivalent.