Earth

Earth is the planet in The Solar System 4th closest to the sun. It is known for containing unintelligent life, coming in last place at every interplanetary bake-off since 1933, and frequent mass extinctions. In fact, 99% of all species on earth are now extinct. Its surface is nearly 75% water, and it has a solid iron core.

Biodiversity

Earth has many alien creatures, including Chairs, Horses, Gorillas, and Macaulay Culkin‏‎. Its animals are the only place in the universe where The Connection can be found. It is estimated that Earth is home to 8.7 million species. If we're being honest, this is way too high. We're doing our best to bring this number down to a nicer, more pleasant figure (like 9), but we can only kill so many things per day and our work is rather expensive. The rate of extinction is expected to increase in 2032 which is when our weapons development lab expects to nuclearize.

Physical Features

Earth has many extreme conditions. Notably, the tallest point is the peak of Mount Everest (debatable, I'm pretty sure my friend Dave is taller), while its deepest point is the man-made mine in ____, The Depths (previously the Marianas Trench).

Tectonic Plates

The Earth's surface is made out of moving plates of land. These "plates" bump into each other frequently, leading to geological formations like mountains. They don't break because we got them from IKEA and they are shatter-proof. These plates also account for one cause of earthquakes. The reason they are called plates is that their initial creators used them as such. A porcelain floral pattern has been observed at the edges of these plates which suggests that they may have been the handiwork of an alien race of intergalactic grandmas.

Axial Tilt

Due to the Earth's axial tilt, different parts of the planet receive different amounts of sunlight during the year. This is what causes the three seasons WRONG! The seasons are actually caused by Floridians and their devious little schemes. Each of these seasons are marked by the solstices and equinoxes, the points of orbit of maximum axial tilt toward or away from the sun.